Psalm 61

Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.

From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.

I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah.

For thou, O God, hast heard my vows: thou hast given me the heritage of those that fear thy name.

Thou wilt prolong the king's life: and his years as many generations.

He shall abide before God for ever: O prepare mercy and truth, which may preserve him.

So will I sing praise unto thy name for ever, that I may daily perform my vows.

This has been the passage I have been going to constantly for the past 2 years in times that I really need a lift spiritually. It is such an amazing reminder, that we are not going through these trials alone. God is and will always be here to help us, carry us, and teach us to be better in our walk with Him, whether you ask or not. He is always trying to refine as precious silver, but as my best friend once so wisely put, "We are refined as silver is, but it is not truly refined until put through the heat of 1700 degrees F.

All of us go through things we think we can't handle. And there are those that we cannot handle. For years I have heard "Oh, don't worry, God won't give you anything you can't handle." But, I found that to be very untrue. God gives us things that we ourselves cannot handle alone, so we have to go to Him for guidance and support. God will put us through a refining process. But it's not something to fear, or to run away from. It is something to look forward to. He will use us in ways we never thought imaginable, to further His kingdom.

Think about it...

Devastation...

Tomorrow morning at 8:30 a.m. my best friends' grandmother and he, will be coming to pick my sister and I up to take us to the airport, where from there he will be shipped off to basic training in San Antonio, Texas for 2 months.

I already miss him so much it hurts. My Body aches so deeply. Stress has set in. Depression will not fade. My eyes have dark circles already. I only haven't seen him in 2 hours, and will see him tomorrow morning, but there is such a hole in me. One that will be empty for quite some time. One that will not be filled until it's the right time.

The person that takes his place, though, will have to be an amazing person, indeed. He has filled such a void in me, that no one else had ever been able to. His generosity astounds me, his love, makes me blush inside, him in general, makes me smile that shines so brightly on my face.

But now...he's leaving. I will not see his face, stand by his side, or give him a hug for 2 months. Tomorrow is coming too fast, and I dreading it with everything in me! I can't describe how I am feeling other than a deep depression.

The next time(after tomorrow morning) I see him, will be in April, at his graduation from The Air National Guard basic Training! I cannot wait to see him!

By Choice, A Lack of Sleep

As I roll over onto my side while lying in bed, I am stirred by a somewhat annoying sound. Not once, not twice, but three times did it sound. The first it just slightly arose me. The second, it was just plain aggravating. The third, I bolted up in realizing what the sound was. It was my very obnoxious alarm clock on my phone that sat on the chest of drawers just west of my memory foam mattress. I tossed and turned for 10 more minutes, each time I plead my case once more with my alarm clock. But the more it went, the more I realized I was the judge in this court room. I was the Lawyer as well. I had the choice whether to actually get up or not. The longer I thought, the better it all sounded. But something in me just kept nudging me, punching me in the stomach harder each time. The reason for my very annoying phone vibrating so loudly this morning, January, 31st, was church. Why else would I get up at 7:30? Me? Yeah right. I needed to go. I need it, no matter what.

I finally rolled out of bed, and my feet hit the cold tile in our kitchen. I did not, under any circumstances, want to be awake right now. It's cold, I'm tired, I'm not feeling well, and I'm extremely drousy from talking on the phone to late. I needed rest. A good kind of rest. Not this kind that I get a few hours here, and a few hours there. I needed more, and only I could change how much sleep I was getting. I could have hung up, but I didn't. I could have gone to bed without a phonecall, but I decided against it. Both, very stupid ideas that late at night, quickly turning to morning.

My mind still turned to my lack of sleep, I started my quest to get ready in time to make it to church on time for choir practice. My hair looked awful, I needed a shower, I had no make-up on, I was grumpy, I was hungry, and the really bad part...I only had twenty minutes to take care of each and every chrisis.

A shower was out of the wustion, that alone would take fifteen minutes. So, my only choice, was throw my hair into a very short pony-tail with the remainder of my hair that I decided to chop off in mid-October. I threw my make-up on, very glad that it didn't look any less than it usually did. I couldn't decide if it was that it was bad everyday, or that I just did a REALLY good job in the small amount of time I had left. Clothing choices resulted in picking up the first shirt that was on my flour that looked clean, and skirt...well, same as usual, my new denim, knee-length skirt from Kohl's that I got for just $6. With that, I found my other shoe that came from Target that was triple the price of the skirt I had just slipped on. The clock was still ticking. It will never stop, this I knew. But it seemed to be going faster today, for some reason.

I ran out the door just a few minutes later than I should have to be "On Time", but in a world like mine, "On Time" Is a relative term. Literally running into choir practice, late, as usual, I fianlly got to my seat. Only a few minutes late, but here, practce is fifteen minutes long. I was waaaay late for the short duration on practice. I sang the last page with my fellow supranos and fianlly had a time to cool of from the mornings already preassured start. I had a chance to breathe deeply. Finally. Now, I can start the rest of the hectic day, I thought. "Yay me!" I said again in reply with a very sarcastic tone. Now, I can relax. Until church, that is...