College = Pending(Still)

I haven't mentioned this yet, because I 1) don't know if it will happen and 2) didn't want to get my hopes so far up to the point of telling people, just to have my own dreams crushed, once again.

But for two months, I have been planning on attending Northland International University in Dunbar, Wisconsin with an associates degree in Women and Family Ministries. I have had to many delays. Not sure who all to blame, and it doesn't matter, anyway. God is taking care of everything as I type, so I dont' worry about that.

I wish someone would have told me years ago how expensive college was/is... That would have helped A LOT of my stress and doubts about this next year of my life. But, God always seems to have a plan to stretch me, further my faith in Him and make me trust him whole-heartedly. Yes, I know He is taking care of me, but when I can't see what He is up to, I like most people get very uneasy. Me more than other, I think.

I thought I had everything in line, when-BAM! Something ELSE came up that went wrong, I needed to fix, or someone else plain screwed up.

I found out a week ago that I needed shots for school. I signed a waiver, but found out I cannot waiver ALL my immunizations. So, I went to the health department that next morning(After finding out at 3 a.m.!) and sat there waiting in line with every other person and their brother waiting to get THEIR shots for school that started this week. I knew it would be busy, but I didn't expect to sit there for 2 1/2. hours! I should have known... Oh well! There was no way to know since this was my first trip to the HD to actually RECEIVE shots. Anyway, I got there, got it done, went home, felt like C-R-A-P and went to bed. Went and ate, then went to bed again. I got the paper work finished. That's all I cared about! Alas, three days later I have the paper sent back telling me it was filled out incorrectly. The lady signed the paper 2021! Instead of, of course, 2011. So, I called and asked that they fax the proof of my immunization session to the school since they were the ones that messed up. Royally! I FINALLY got an email confirmation that it is indeed taken care of, this morning.

You think THAT is cuttin' it kinda close? Listen to this!

FAFSA. I needed my parents' tax information. MY tax information, a pin number, my mother's pin number and about a million other things, of which I did not have(of course) because I know the devil is trying to discourage me, well, guess what!! It ain't workin'! I know he is behind it, and will not have ANY part of it!

Anyway, back to the reason I brought FAFSA up. I needed this so the school could finish my Financial Aid part of my school file, but I had not yet gotten my Financial Aid application in yet, because there were, yet again, more problems.

This(Above) is about the number of books I am assuming I will have by the end of furthering my education.

And...THIS! Is about how much money I am pretty sure I will be out of by the time all those books,( pens, paper, shampoo, towels, SWEATERS, more sweaters, and long underwear...etc) are paid for! I am feeling very overwhelmed right now, but I am actually handling it all fairly well. For me, anyway.

I am not sure how to handle all of this because I don't know how to pay for school, and don't have any options as of right now. I am racking my brain. So far, I have come up with working more doubles at work and selling plasma. Well, I worked a few doubles, and am still virtually penniless. HA! I am going to try the whole Plasma thing...next week, hopefully, maybe. It's not much, but it might pay for gas for the trip there!

God WILL supply, this I know. I am always wondering "when" this will come to pass, though, and I end up not looking at what is right in front of me as His provision.

Please pray for me as I continue to seek God's will for my life and try to stay sane while doing it.

sUmMeR: Take 2

Summer has been great so far this year! A HUGE improvement from last years horror story! All I can say is God is GOOD!! He is the writer of my story and I praise Him for it.

I have already had such fun and still have quite a few thing planned to do before Summer is up.

The last few years, I have not been able to or had time to play in the water very much for varies reasons, so this year I really wanted to go after it like I haven't in a while. So that's what I have been doing! I've been to the lake twice and a pool a few times, along with having a water fight and car washing day with my sisters(and dog!). I haven't had that much "young" fun in such a long time! I laughed and played, and as did they.

Erin and I

<-----

Annnnndd

--------> There.

:)

Yes, LOTS loads of fun with so many sisters! I am eternally blessed with life long friends, because I have sisters!

They are all so precious to me.

A new thing happening in my life now is that I am planning on moving away for college here in about 43 days. It's VERY soon but I am sooo looking forward to it! God has just been providing all over the place and guiding me like I always hoped my heavenly father would. All I can say is that I am so excited to do this.

Verses of the day are Philippians 4:6 & 7

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

P.S. I can't wait to be with my honey in the fall! Yes, I am stolked to the point of screaming every now and then. Fair warning. ;)

SuMmEr: Take 1

Summer. I've never been a huge fan myself. But, this year, I decided it was going to be different. I know, I know...I say that EVERY year. But, So far I have made it to be true already. I have already gone to the lake once...and it's only JUNE 6TH! I don't know about you, but I am proud.

I honestly didn't expect it to happen, but thank GOD for best friends that ask you to do something on a whim, makes it happen, and makes me stick to what I said I would do. Yup, that's my Jessica for ya! She always does that for me. I sometimes have a hard time keeping to what I say I wanna do cause I either get bored, tired or just wanna go inside. The last week, though, I have fallen in LOVE with being

outside! After we went to a local lake close to my hometown, I have been spending a lot more time than usual in the fresh air. Besides, why else would God have put it there anyways?!

Another thing that I know for fact is going to be different this year is that I already have two trips planned. Yes, that is quite a new occurrence for me. I am going to Colorado next week for a friends' wedding. And then in July I will be going on Vacation with my best friend(pictured here) in Florida with her sister(also pictured) and some of their family. Until last week I wasn't excited much, but after our little road trip to the water, I am ecstatic about going to a real beach for the first time!!!

(Jessica and I)

Reason number 3 that this summer is different already is my boy..... :)

This is the first summer I have ever had a significant other, and I am enjoying him SO much! It's crazy how God makes you so comfortable in life as you know it, then He changes it, and He makes that home. I love it. I love how God works.

A song that has been stuck in my head lately, though, is one I don't remember the title for but I remember the most important part(to me!).

"If home's where my heart it then I'm out of place." And that's so true this summer. I know I am where I'm supposed to be, but I can't wait for the day when this little town is no longer my forced home and I can live where my heart feels at home: Pennsylvania.

Jeremiah 29:11 " 'For I know the plans I have for you', says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.' "

In this time of separation from my honey, I keep this verse in mind. It's one that has been with me always, but right now, it's what I hold onto. God is faithful. "This too shall pass."

Kansas + Weather = A Happy Me

Ahhhhhhh........ :)

We have had much fine weather of late. I have much enjoyed watching the fluffy clouds pounce around in the sky. They move ever so quickly. If I am fast enough, I can catch some of the glory of it with my camera(which takes a lot of the glory from it, I must admit). When I finally get a good picture of the beauty God so frequently bestows upon us, I am thrilled. That way, I can keep it with me always(or until my hard drive goes out again).

Though I am not much of a picture-taker myself, I adore looking at the beauty others may capture in the their lens. The brilliance of such a thing. Some may not think of clouds in the way I do, but I care not. I am in LOVE with God's creation. It's true that the little things are what give us the most joy in life. Thunder clouds definitely do that for me.

Another thing that just thrills me to my very core would be thunder, lightning, and yes, call me crazy, but...TORNADOES!!!!!! Yesterday we had many come flying across the state. I did not have the pleasure of seeing one, but I feel sure to very soon. Which makes me extremely and incandescently happy.

Ahem, please pardon my excitement. I really am trying to stifle it. But, I guess it's no use.

Look at those billowing rolls!! Gorgeousness!

Yes, a happy me, indeed!

fail

I don't update often...mostly because no one ever reads my posts, but that is in fact the reason of this post. No one will read it, so I can pretty much say what ever's on my mind, and no one will care.

Tonight I did one of the hardest things someone ever has to do; break up with someone.

I HATE being the dumper. I have never really had a boyfriend, yet, I have done this twice now. I hate. my. life. I feel so awful for hurting him. I could have just not talked to him at all...but then I would have been out a friend. But perhaps, I am out one anyway. I pray I am not, though I am not going to hold my breathe. May be a long time waiting.

I feel like the worst friend in the world. Like I can never make up for this. All I want is for him to be okay and to still want to be my friend. That's it. I wish I could take his place. I SO wish that.

I have never been mush good at waiting. Yet, that's all I can do in this situation.

I was so afraid of being another Allie to him. I prayed I would never be that. But here and now, after everything I feel like nothing more than a sad excuse of a even a somewhat good friend. I still ended up being just. Like. Her.

I have excuses, I really do. And they're good ones. But when no one is listening, they mean nothing. No thing I can say will make up for this.

For Valentines Day I sent him a Teddy bear. I even named it. I sent chocolate and an amazing card...but the day after I sent it, I started having doubts as to if I should have sent it. I shouldn't have. It didn't help. Just made this evening that much worse.

I hate myself for being like this. But, I have found no way to have made it better. There was no way I could have known then what I know now.

He likes me.

I kinda liked him.

He still likes me.

I know now, I like someone else.

This, makes me awful and I feel like the utter failure. In relationships. And life.

New times...

My life recently has consisted of about three different things...

1) Work.

2) Sleeping.

and 3) Working on painting my sisters room, and mine as well.

I love working. It makes me feel like I have a purpose for getting out of bed every morning. I can do something with my day other than endless hours of school, and doing nothing.

Now that graduation is over, I feel so relieved. Not because I'm done, but because IT'S OVER! :)

So much stress went into it. I wish I was public schooled so I wouldn't have had to do a whole bunch of planning and making of invitations. I could have just bought them, sent'em out, and showed up to Graduation...But no...I always have to do things my in life...the hard way. Whether it's my decision or not, there's always a better, easier, less stressful way than I choose or have chosen for me.

But, now that it's over, I can focus on work, and family, and friends. I have a short month and a half to have the time of my life. Heh. Yeah. Right.

One of the worst things someone could have said to me at graduation, was said....Wanna take a WILD GUESS at what they said?!

"Hey, aren't you glad you just finished the EASIEST TIME IN YOUR LIFE!?!?!?

I don't think I have ever been so mad at someone I didn't know that well. That absolutely pushed me over the edge! I wanted to deck the guy that had the gull to say that to me! He acted like this was just a walk in the park for me! Well, watch out, Buddy! Better not come near me anytime soon! AHHH!

Ahem...On a better note, work is good. I love my co-workers(Most of them, some can getVERY annoying, but what else is new?!)

Last night I was working till about 10:30 and one of them was walking through the kitchen and caught his hand on someone. He ended up trying to get away from it, and pulled a whole bunch a clean things from the counter right onto the REALLY dirty floor....

Another co-worker walks in at that exact moment, and says "You know, if I was your boss, I would rip your *** apart....But since I'm just your co-worker, that was pretty dang funny!"

Hehe...Mark and I laughed pretty hard after that. Stuff like that happens ALL THE TIME. It's SO much fun working with so many people of so many different ages. :)

I love it.

Well, I hope someone actually reads this...If not, I will be sad.

Oh well.

For now,

Cait

A Not So Good Friday...Once In Our History.

This day, almost this exact hour, two thousand and ten years ago, our God, our saviour, the reason we can be saved,

was hanging on some wood, with stakes driven through the bones in his hands, and pulling them apart in His feet.

So much pain, agony, and dipair to be overlooked by the ones He did it for. He went through that because He loved me. Because He loves YOU! Yet, we don't care. Not most of the time, anyway. If we had done that for someone else, we would have angry at them for not even caring. For overlooking all the pain you went through. That would be considered wrong, inconsiderate, and plain ungratefulness in your eyes, yet you do it to the only One that could actually save you. No, you will not be saved from death, from pain, or from longsuffering. But you will be saved from spending eternity in the Lake of Fire, says Reveltion. You can be saved from being forever tormented in Hell.

You can CHOOSE to spend your life as a follower, disiple, and evangelist for God. And for those decisions, you will be rewarded by His gift of Everlasting Life says John 3:16, and you will also be given beyond your imagination can think! What a life to have! All from obeying God!

~ * ~

You know, I never understood why this day was called "Good Friday". What is GOOD about it?! It is the day that our Lord died because of US! Without us, this world would have been PERFECT! But no, God chose to let us inhabit this place, live, grow up, play, work, love, be loved, and choose to be His. Without Him, I am nothing, YOU are nothing, and there is no hope for living. He is the only reason we can do what we do.

Think on these things...

The Bible says the people who witnessed the crusifiction, could not even tell He was human because of how much He had been scurged. They tore his skin off, layer by layer with a chain and balls with thorns on each of them. His skin was shredded into thousands of pieces, and they thrust down a "crown" of thorns...thorns, on his head. Those thornes going through His head. But, he perservered. For me. For you. All these thing BEFORE they shoved the nails the size of tent stakes in through his bones. This is more than any of us could stand. And He did it for HOURS! AND! Through all this pain, he witnessed to the men he was being crucified in between! He could hardly breathe, yet he was telling this man of God's love, forgiveness, and certainty of the future they could have if he were to believe. Only one trusted what he said, the other is still, to this day, burning the the everlasting lake of fire.

Just hours later, Jesus followed them in death. He said , "It is finished". Then gave up the ghoast and was dead.

God could have delivered Himself from that terrible time. But He chose to be the Lamb that would "take away the sin of the world". He put himself through that.

Don't be one who doesnt' care like you would not like if you had done this same thing for someone you loved. Care that He gave His life for you! Because He cares for you!

Show the same consideration for the One that CHOSE to be beated, scurged, nailed, and killed. Cause he would not have done it if not for the sins of which YOU have done!